Tuesday, October 24, 2006

a farewell

a farewell

i have always been an open and honest person. no secrets. i tell it like it is. this blog has been for me. it has been for my friends and my family when i am too busy to return their calls. but really, it has been for me. i know they have appreciated it. there are a few people out there who have twisted it into a negative thing but they are not my concern. noach read and supported it from the beginning, and with his support, i felt i could tell people what i was going through.

thursday noach goes in for his skin graft surgery. he will be in the hospital for 5-7 days, resting at home for a week and is looking forward to getting through this next stage of his recovery.

the last two and a half months have been full of ups and downs for everyone involved. physically for noach. emotionally for him and everyone else. of course, this time is about/should be about noach. but i am a person and this affects me as well. i am a step-mother to ariel, a fine young man. i am a mother to two young children who need me constantly. i am a daughter. a sister. a sister-in-law. an aunt. a friend. i am still who i am. i have tried to be a good wife even in the most trying of times. i have tried to be a good example to my children and at times of course, lost my "cool" and my patience. who wouldn't? i am not perfect. no one is. as much as i can't REALLY know what noach is going through, no one REALLY knows what i am going through.

my dear family, friends, cousins... i appreciate all the support you have shown in the last few months. i appreciate the meals, gift certificates for meals and massages (can't wait to get a massage), visits, baskets, emails and calls. i ask you to stay in touch. life is a little less hectic these days, just "regular" hectic and i will try to call you or email you back. email is still the easiest way for me to keep in touch but i do love to hear your voices every now and then. i would be happy to update you on noach's progress, to tell you how i am doing, how the kids are doing more privately than i have in the blog.

for those that sit in judgment of me, my words, my actions, i am happy to bid you farewell. when you are perfect, when you make no mistakes and always say the right thing, when you go out of your way to help others, when you don't speak poorly of other people, when you treat your friends and family with dignity and respect, when you seek forgiveness, true forgiveness for your sins of the past, then you can look at my life. actually, that's not true. my life is my life. i am the one living it. i am the one who wakes up to it each morning and falls asleep thinking about it each night. i am proud of my life. there have been things in my past i may have done differently, but there truly are no secrets and nothing that my friends and family don't know about.

i have been told by the people close to me that i am a great friend, loyal, caring, loving. those that don't see those sides of me don't see them for a reason. you aren't taking the time to get to know me or aren't treating me respectfully and kindly.

this weekend, my "Uncle" Phil passed away. i put uncle in quotes because he was my aunt's second husband and he was very much like an uncle to me but didn't want us to call him "uncle." he was probably the kindest, gentlest man i know. those that knew him and spent time with him were lucky. he visited us this summer and i treasure the time we spent together. his manner was sweet and gentle. i hope to be that kind of person. i hope to surround myself with people that make me feel that way. that bring out the calmness and generosity and love in me.

so to the people i know and love, please keep calling and keep emailing. to the rest of you, it is time for you to find something else to talk about. time to find the bad in someone other than me. time to find the good in yourself.

i know noach will be back to himself soon. he has come so far in the last few months. after next week, G-d willing he will be able to begin rehab and begin to be fitted for a prosthetic. i know he can do anything to which he puts his mind. if anyone can, he can.

i will try to focus on being the best person i can be. i know i am not always the easiest to get along with, i know that i am not a morning person, i know that i can be moody, but i also know that i am a good person and a strong person and a person that usually puts the needs of other before my own, even if those people don't realize it. i know i can be pushed to say the wrong thing and act the wrong way, but it is hard when people are pushing you.

i had a statue in my room when i was little and it said "please be patient. G-d isn't finished with me yet." how true!

i will not be writing in the blog again but thank you for reading it. please always remember there are two sides to every story and things are not always what they seem.

please pray for noach's surgery to go well on thurs. and for his recovery to be quick and pain free. thank you for your support.


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